We've all worn white, flown dashboard tirangas and wished India -- and Saleem Sinai -- a Happy 60th.

It's just that the Bharatbala ads, those well-produced and seemingly endless black-and-white celebrity-stuffed variations of a slowed down Jana Gana Mana, are getting on my nerves. For all their noble intent and neat execution, I don't want to have to hop to my feet in attention while shuffling channels -- and AR Rahman, the man deservant of the maestro tag, is making an utter nincompoop of himself in them.

Why? Because the commercially-endorsed TV spots come complete with end credits, one of which reads: 'Music by AR Rahman.' Uh, what? Dude, Thiruda thiruda still rocks, but don't go around taking a music credit for the National Anthem, man. All you've done is get some sessions musicians together to play it, and that's all -- it doesn't make it *your* music.

What's next? Beethoven's Fifth, with music by Vishal-Shekhar?

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Equally, if not more, depressing was Amitabh Bachchan on one of the sensationalist news channels, waxing not-quite-so-eloquent about his favourite Indian movies of the last 60 years.

It started off okay, the legend talking up the magic of Mughal-E-Azam and rather endearing as he discussed cutting up blankets to make patchwork jackets like Shammi Kapoor in Junglee.

But then came Amitabhism, and suddenly the list turned into a roster of self-importance. The actor talked about everything from Saat Hindustani to Zanjeer to Anand to Amar Akbar Anthony to Sholay, with platitudes for his wife's work in Guddi. And while we unanimously agree that these are mega, fantastic films, blowing your own trumpet -- when we all constantly do it anyway -- is really pathetic form.

I would have liked to hear Amitabh talk about influences. Forget regional cinema, which would have been truly insightful, but it would have been nice to hear about forgotten gems or raves about Guru Dutt or Dilip Kumar, or even post-Bachchan films like DDLJ or Satya. Some mentions were indeed made of films like Lage Raho and Swades, but compared to the self-glorifying gushfests, these were two-line courtesy mentions.

Instead, Amitabh Bachchan ended his rishtey-mein-to-hum-Bollywood-ke-baap list with -- hold your breath -- Mani Ratnam's Guru. Yes, he talked on and on about how he was, as an actor, jealous of son Abhishek, and how it was Mani's best film.

It was enough to make you gag.

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60 years of India, and one would think you legends might stop short of shameless self-promotion for one weekend.

I'm not listening to Dil Se or watching The Great Gambler again till you two behave, hear?